35 Funny Valentine’s Day Cards Sure To Get You Laid

By Belinda Gosbee | Updated: December 21, 2022

    Each Valentine’s Day, you get two choices: you can take the lovey-dovey romantic approach, OR you can head straight for the funny bone and get them giggling. These funny Valentine’s Day Cards are endearing in their own unique way. **Sense of humor not included.

  1. It’s A Michael Scott Thing


    They don’t come more self-centered, arrogant, and approval-seeking than Michael Scott. The perfect greeting card for fans of The Office. Or, just a conceited Valentine.

  3. Internet Love


    Meet your other half on the internet? Then you both know how many crazies you need to filter through to find the gold.

  5. Never Gonna Give You Up
  6. funny-valentines-day-cards-rick-astley

    This card makes an impact in two ways. Firstly, it’s jumbo-sized. Secondly, it capitalizes on Rick Astley’s lyrics in the most epic of ways. The inside of the card reads: “Never Forget To Wish You A Happy Valentine’s Day.”

  7. Ransom Note
  8. funny-valentines-day-cards-ransom

    Say I Love You in the sweetest of ways with this threatening ransom note. The inside reads: “As Hot As I Do! Be My Valentine or ELSE!”

  9. Social Distancing
  10. funny-valentines-day-cards-social-distance

    A timely reference and one that will no doubt become timeless, social distancing doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If you know what I’m sayin’.

  11. Cold Zipper  
  12. funny-valentines-day-cards-stuck-on-you

    A lovely reminder that you’re totally attached to them. The inside of this classy beauty reads: “I’m Stuck On You! Happy Valentine’s Day!” Warning: This is not a Hallmark Card.

  13. A Tsunami Wave
  14. funny-valentines-day-cards-tsunami

    Looking for a little dirty fun in your V-Day card? Here you have it– visually and in sentiment- straight to the point. Make sure you don’t mix it up with your Mom’s.

  15. Endless Noisy Love
  16. funny-valentines-day-cards-snore

    It seems the longer that you’re with someone, the louder their f’n snoring becomes– what’s with that?! This card sums it up rather nicely, because, quite frankly, you’re not going anywhere, no matter how bad it gets.

  17. Punny Sea Lion
  18. funny-valentines-day-cards-sea-lion

    Bring back those classic bar pick-up lines and smush them into a lovey-dovey card for your significant other. I mean, it’s probably been forever since they heard such a cheesy one. Plus you get a sweet watercolor of a seal. Win-win.

  19. A Slow Stinky Death
  20. funny-valentines-day-cards-farts

    Another card that highlights their most significant fault but assures your loved one that you’re sticking around anyway! Even if you suffocate. Now, that’s true love.

  21. Taken Teaser
  22. funny-valentines-day-cards-liam-neeson

    This Liam Neeson meme in a love card will resonate with fans of the Taken films. Strangely romantic (in a semi-threatening kinda way) it’s hand-designed and original.

  23. Tolerate Me?
  24. funny-valentines-day-cards-tolerate

    Sometimes love means putting up with a lot of crap. That is, your loved one putting up with all your garbage. So please take a moment to thank them this Valentine’s Day.

  25. Reality Check
  26. funny-valentines-day-cards-dwight-schrute

    Dating a realist? This is your card, packed with Dwight Schrute’s know-how. It also makes a perfect card for a best friend on Galentine’s Day.

  27. You’re My Comfort Food
  28. funny-valentines-day-cards-wiener

    It may look Disney-centric but this one is for Mom and Dad, kids. Cute and dirty, it’s not just for hot dog fans.

  29. Love Is…Shaving
  30. funny-valentines-day-cards-shave

    You may have been together more decades than you can remember but if you’re still trying – even a little – it counts for something.  

  31. DILF Card


    If you don’t know what a DILF is, have a look over on Urban Dictionary! If your husband is a DILF with a dad bod, this is the card for him! 

  33. Memorable Beginnings
  34. funny-valentines-day-cards-drunk-sex

    It happens. Celebrate it. It was a very good decision. That time anyway.

  35. A Fieri Love Like Ours
  36. funny-valentines-day-cards-fieri

    Bring back the sexy with “a road rockin’ trip” down to Flavortown with this Guy Fieri card. It’s sure to elicit a cackle, especially from die-hard fans.

  37. Antagonizing Love
  38. funny-valentines-day-cards-annoy

    If you love someone enough to spend this much of your life with them, then it goes without saying that they will annoy you to varying percentages. That is, 60% yesterday, 80% today, with an expected 110% tomorrow. But love still reigns supreme.

  39. No Bones About It
  40. funny-valentines-day-cards-bone

    Perhaps you’re dating a chiropractor? Or just love to talk about boning a lot. This card takes getting bare bones naked to a whole other level.

  41. The Gen-X Card
  42. funny-valentines-day-cards-cassette

    The social media generation may not get it, but Gen-Xers will love and appreciate this exceptional Valentine’s Day card. The best part is that it’s a DIY Valentine– it can be completely personalized, even down to the font style and color.

  43. Bearded Love
  44. funny-valentines-day-cards-bearded

    Own a sexy bearded man-beast? Whether he’s a hipster, a bear, or just a lazy shaver, this card will make him feel extra desirable in your eyes.

  45. Titanic Affection
  46. funny-valentines-day-cards-titanic

    There was totally enough room, we all know that. And, if you’d have been out there with that piece of wood, you’d have definitely saved the love of your life. Is there a more heartfelt “I love you card” for a movie buff?

  47. Love Is…
  48. funny-valentines-day-cards-old-age

    They say that everything sags with age, but true love means never having to hold it up yourself. A lovely way to remind your significant other of the downhill slide ahead.

  49. Say It With Bernie
  50. funny-valentines-day-cards-bernie

    How do you make a Bernie fans V-Day? Gift them with an adorable little drawing of Bernie, of course! Especially a mitten-wearing Bernie. You may have captured their heart, but Bernie has captured their psyche and there’s nothing sexier than a man who demands free health care for all.

  51. Apocalypse Now
  52. funny-valentines-day-cards-zombie

    This dark little note card says it from the heart. For when the zombies come, which they will, only the prepared will survive to see their next Valentine’s Day.

  53. Cheeky Sticks
  54. funny-valentines-day-cards-stick-figures

    Well, this little card highlights all sorts of Valentine’s Day gifts. Who knew that stick figures could get up to so much?! If your stick figure drawing is less than impressive, this card will say it all for you.

  55. Comfy Spoons
  56. funny-valentines-day-cards-spooning-farts

    It happens to the best of us, but it’s always nice to issue a formal apology in writing. The inside of the card reads, “Farting is just my butt blowing you kisses.”

  57. The Cheesiest
  58. funny-valentines-day-cards-cheese

    A cute card that’s totally cheesy. Let them know how brie-liant you think they are with this very punny display of witty cheeses.

  59. Toilet Humor
  60. funny-valentines-day-cards-toilet

    The perfect card for the man-child who’s still learning how to pee straight. It’s firm but still loving and shows you appreciate the fact that he tries.

  61. Dick Pic!
  62. funny-valentines-day-cards-penis

    Yes, you could get a cutesy baby Yoda card, or you could give them a big, red cock scribble. The choice is yours but remember that what you find awesome (baby Yoda) has nothing on what he finds awesome (cock drawings).

  63. Never Settle, Until You Do
  64. You have to settle for someone, so show them how pleased you are that they were “the one.” A straightforward, no BS card, for those who like to keep things honest.

  65. Breathtaking Hiney 
  66. funny-valentines-day-cards-ron-burgundy

    There aren’t many people in the world that understand love and charm like Ron Burgundy. So choose this romantic Valentine’s Day card to celebrate the hiney that you love.

  67. Love You, Bebe
  68. funny-valentines-day-cards-moira-rose

    Any Schitt’s Creek fan will adore this Moira Rose card that’s far less dramatic than the real Moira Rose but retains the gravitas.

  69. It’s Always Taco Tuesday
  70. funny-valentines-day-cards-taco-meat

    This high-quality pop-up card is quirky, clever, and… nice and dirty. Unleash it on your unsuspecting Valentine over a Taco-themed dinner.

    *All above cards are blank inside unless noted.