25 Funny Retirement Gifts for Every Type of Retiree

By David Lautaret | Updated: March 23, 2023

    Retirement gift ideas can be tough to come up with. Meaningful and memorable gift ideas are good, but funny retirement gifts are usually best. Some of these are purposefully cheesy, while others are actually pretty thoughtful. Whether you’re looking at getting them a gag gift for a one-time chuckle or something they’ll get a laugh out of every day, we’ve got you covered.

  1. DayClock
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    When you’re retired, who cares what time it is? The important thing to remember is what DAY it is. That’s where day clocks come in handy. This is a beautiful wall-mounted clock that will blend into any environment and provide a daily chuckle to whoever is lucky enough to have one in their possession. 

  3. Retirement Weekly Schedule Mug
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    What’s on the schedule for the new retiree? Whatever the hell they want! Going with a classic retirement coffee mug gift is always a safe bet, especially if it says something clever or funny. This particular retirement coffee mug is a daily reminder that they’ve got nothing on the agenda except whatever they want to do. 

  5. Wine Down Wine Rack
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    Nothing says welcome to retired life like a wine rack. Time to Wine Down wine rack is perfect for anyone looking for female retirement gifts for someone who loves wine. Let’s face it, they’re retired now, and they’re going to drink more wine.

  7. F*CK This Sh*t Tumbler
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    If ever there was an official mood for 2021, this would be it. The F*CK This Sh*t tumbler sends a clear message. I’m retired, or getting divorced, or in major need of a drink, or I’m just done with today—the perfect gift for the woman in your life who’s officially over it. 

  9. Sassy Candle 
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    This is a great smelling candle that they’ll use all the time. Classy, sassy, and a bit bad assy- The perfect way to sum up your retiring friend. This candle can be used as a gift for any occasion, but we like it as a retirement gift when you don’t want to be too sappy or give off that ‘dad joke’ vibe but still want to give them something they’ll actually enjoy. 

  11. Retired Business Cards
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    50 high-quality business cards and a metal case. I can think of more than a few guys out there who never miss an opportunity for a good ‘dad joke.’ If the retiree is the type of person always to hand out business cards, then this gift hits right on the nose. Fair warning: If you’re giving this gift to someone in your immediate family, you might find yourself on the receiving end more often than you’d like!

  13. The Legend Has Retired Tumbler
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    So you want to give your friend a meaningful retirement gift without spending a lot of money, this is the perfect gift and one that your retiree will actually use. And who doesn’t want to be recognized as a legend? This glass is sturdy so they will have it around for a good while. The writing on the glass won’t get washed off. I would recommend this glass to anyone who wants to give a nice meaningful gift.”- verified review

  15. Retirement Hat and Sash
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    There’s a certain type of retiree who will really appreciate a hat like this. Perfect for the guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously. 

  17. ‘Not Going To Work Tomorrow’ Stein
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    Getting your coworker an enormous beer stein is a pretty great gift idea. This one might be the only beer stein they’ll ever need. It holds 15oz of beer. Solid construction, the etching won’t peel off, and it’s dishwasher safe—the perfect retirement gift for the retired man who loves beer. 

  19. Do It Yourself Shirt
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    Nothing screams ‘not my problem’ like this t-shirt. Please give them a way to make a statement without saying a word. I’m retired, do it yourself. Life. Mood. Made from 100% cotton and available in both men’s and women’s sizes and various colors.

  21. Retirement Papers Toilet Paper
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    A gift they’ll use every day and the only ‘Retirement Papers’ they really can’t live without. The most gag gift of gag gifts for when you’re looking to go ‘full gag gift.’ Not enough of a gift on its own? Use this in conjunction with a few more funny gifts to make a gag gift basket. 

  23. Work Will Suck Without You Makeup Pouch


    This ‘Work Will Suck Without You’ purse/tote is cute, practical, touching, and has just a dash of humor. The perfect gift for when your best work friend is leaving, and you want them to know how much they mean to you without getting overly sentimental. Work will suck without you. Blunt. Truthful. The inclusion of the word ‘suck’ instead of something corny like ‘won’t be the same’ make this gift thoughtful but still kind of funny. 

  25. Wine Bag
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    For the wine-loving retiree. This wine bag is 5.5″ x 13.5″ and is made of durable linen. Every bag comes with a Cotton core drawstring and is washable. Made to fit all standard wine bottles. 

  27. Old Lives Matter Whiskey Glass
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    They might be old and retired, but dammit, their life still matters! A whiskey glass is a great gift for the spirit lover who doesn’t take things too seriously. Some will find this gift hilarious, while others may find it offensive. We assume you know which type of retiree they are. 

  29. Flask Book Box
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    Want to get them something a little nicer than a simple whiskey glass? You could do a lot worse than this clever gift from Uncommon Goods. Retirement is all about having the time to sit down and read a good book, and this one is one of our favorites! It’s time to read and relax. Emphasis on the relax. Throw in a bottle of their favorite bourbon, and this might be the best retirement gift money can buy. 

  31. Retired Pillow


    This to-do list sums up her retirement pretty well! Made of cotton/linen with an invisible zipper, the pillow cover measures 18×18 inches. Please note, this is the pillow cover, not a pillow. 

  33. 101 Fun Things to do in Retirement
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    Let’s face it; retirees have a lot of time on their hands. This clever and hilarious book gives them a bucket list of fun things to do and is an entertaining read whether you’re retiring or not. 

  35. Do Not Disturb Socks
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    A classic ‘dad joke’ gift for the retiree who loves dad jokes. Novelty socks hit all the high points of a great gag gift, and these socks are some of the best. They’ve spent a lifetime doing the hard work, but now it’s time to sit back and relax. High-quality cotton, non-slip white lettering, what’s not to love?

  37. Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes
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    Speaking of dad jokes, this book will come in handy for a large subset of the freshly retired community. Now that he doesn’t have a job to get to, he’ll have plenty of time to develop some new material. You could say this book is really a gift for you. 

  39. Potty Putter Toilet Golf
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    Looking for a unique gift for the retiree who loves golf? Retired people are always out hitting the links. Bring the game to their favorite seat in the house. This hilarious gift for the newly retired golfer in your life will provide ample conversation for years to come. We’re really putting the ‘gag’ in ‘retirement gag gift’ with this one. 

  41. ‘Show Me Your Bobbers’ Shirt
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    Most men spend approximately 30% of their workday thinking about fishing. Now that your retiree friend or coworker is on their way out, they’ll be doing a lot of fishing. It turns out there are a lot of sexual innuendo fishing t-shirts. A great retirement gift if your newly retired friend is into fishing and funny t-shirts, you really can’t go wrong with a t-shirt like this. 

  43. Novelty Canes
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    If you’re throwing the retiree a retirement party, then you’ll need a few gag gifts. A tried and true method for poking fun at a newly retired friend is simply playing up how old they are. This set of two novelty canes is the perfect way to tell your friend they’re on their way to the old folks’ home. 

  45. F***ing Quitter Coffee Mug


    Does your friend love coffee or tea? Are they a f***ing quitter by retiring? Nothing says “Have a happy retirement,” like calling someone a quitter. This gift checks all the boxes. As long as they’ve got a sense of humor, you really can’t go wrong. 

  47. Retirement Angel
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    The glory of this funny retirement gift really depends on your relationship with the retiring person. It can either be a sweet gesture if they’re the type of person who knits sweaters for their cats, or it can be a hilarious joke if the two of you like to give each other random gifts. I have no idea what a retirement angel is, but if someone gave this to me, I’d laugh my ass off. 

  49. Retired Person Sign
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    Your coworker is going to have a lot of free time on their hands. Please give us all a fair warning with this clever warning sign retirement gift—great wall decor for home, man cave, yard, patio, garage, etc.